Self Connection: The Elevated Ecstasy

Bansi Modi                                                                                                                                bansimodi0102@gmail.com

“Enlightenment, Joy and Peace can never be given to you by another.

The well is inside you.”

  • Thich Nhat Hanh

Genuine feelings can never be eradicated. And probably that is the major reason behind having your own well inside you. You are responsible for the way you feel. It is very true that no one can give you enlightenment, joy and peace, then why do we let others give us the pain, misery and melancholy? And amidst the entire muddle, the major confusion is of differentiating between our genuine feelings and the feelings we imbibe from others. The only way to get clarity about how we actually feel is by getting in touch with our own self and being in connection with our soul.

It was in Bangalore during my certification course in Dance Movement Therapy that I got in touch with myself and started knowing myself better. I had a little experience in the first International Conference by CMTAI, in Delhi. The experience was too magical for me to forget and do nothing about it. And Bangalore wasn’t far after that. I have always been inclined towards Psychology and passionate about Theatre and dance. A topper in Psychology, numerous awards winner in Performing arts and someone who was a counselor for all friends, life seemed to be perfect until a few shocks and heartbreaks. Everything collapsed at once for me. It was a bitter realization for me that life had never been perfect, or fair. It was just the fact that I had never given enough time to mourn the sadness I had seen in the past. And when it all came up for me, I started to grieve about everything at once, making it appear a lot bigger than it actually was.

Soon I start experiencing the Movement Therapy and got in touch with myself. I got in touch with the suppressed feelings, the unexplored aspects of life, the way I actually felt and the person I actually was. This had become my dose of energy, physical as well as emotional and cognitive. It was during the course of experiencing the therapy that I saw some beautiful changes in terms of family, society, friends, and work. I was the common factor in all these spheres which meant there were some changes happening in me that made me look at all of it differently. I was happier than ever before. My painful heartbreak was replaced by a very fresh, beautiful blossoming relationship that I shall cherish and keep safe for the lifetime. And through these experiences I can certainly say that I would choose Movement therapy over any seer or fortune teller. Because at the end of the day, trusting yourself is easier and less taxing than trusting some external factor. The process that comes from within shall be valued forever.

My praises for the process and my faith in it doesn’t end with my experiences. I have decided to take movement therapy with me to my grave. And like me, I want more and more number of people to experience this magical journey. I began my practice with a group of around 15-17 females who belonged to a community that had very conservative thoughts. I am uncertain about the number because by the end of the journey I was left with only 10 females. These women were so afraid of coming out of their shells that they were terrified to even speak about how they were feeling on a particular day. They were the ones who were underpaid but still did the job. They taught the underprivileged children, not because they wanted to teach the children but because they got some time to stay away from their own families. It was a very difficult task for me to make them feel comfortable with themselves, to make them feel confident about themselves and to make them feel that they are humans. It is okay to not feel good all the time. It was also a little risky for me because if those women talked against their families for themselves, the families could have disowned them. But I was touched and moved when one of the females from that group told me “Thank you ma’am for showing us that it is always a butterfly that comes out of the cocoon and not a weakened, crippled caterpillar.”

Another experience that I had was with the children who were between the age group of nine to twelve years. I thought it would be very easy to make the children indulge into movement therapy. But I was wrong. The always jovial, bubbly children, who never wanted to sit at one place, came to DMT area and didn’t want to move at all. They just wanted to sit and talk. I tried changing the activities and music for them. I was surprised when I realized that they wanted to talk because DMT was the only area where they felt they were being heard. That day onwards we started having a fifteen minute slot dedicated to talking. Each child had turns on a particular day to talk and everyone else had to listen to that child. I received a lovely response. The children performed better in the activities, they expressed themselves freely and gained confidence. Sometimes things are not as complicated as we tend to make it. These children taught this simple thing to me. I still have this innocent face fresh in my mind when this lad sweetly came and told me, “Ma’am, every time I become happy, my heart starts jumping and I am only happy when I run. But today when I talked about my Mama, I was so happy and see my heart is still jumping.”

And every time while practicing DMT, a new experience connected me with my inner soul.

The transformation that a person goes through because of DMT is so beautiful and so energetic that it’s always a new person who comes out of it after going through a process of cleansing. The body never lies, and when there is truth it is open; it is the lie that needs to be covered. Therefore, everything around is genuine, authentic and pleasurable.

In a place like Gujarat, where most people are still unaware about art-based therapies, I want to do maximum with it. I want to make people aware about this wonderful process, and I shall do all it takes to establish art-based therapy in Gujarat.

Through my journey till now, I have understood that it is very important to make a person feel understood, heard, loved and appreciated. When a person feels this, there is an automatic elevation in the confidence and self-esteem of that person which makes it a lot easier for them to love themselves and get in touch with themselves.

“Listen to the mustn’ts, child. Listen to the don’ts. Listen to the shouldn’ts, the impossibles, and the won’ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me… Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.”
Shel Silverstein

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